Is it Time to Discuss it Yet?
by TonksIsMyHero
Summary: Sequel Don't Talk Rubbish. RLNT, HBP spoilers, so avoid like a very smelly thing if you haven't finished it. Unless you like spoilers, in which case I will be recommending a therapist straight away.


"Is time to discuss it yet?"

Remus looked up. He had been staring blankly at a knot on the wooden table in the Great Hall, where he had found himself wandering to after the news about Dumbledore had really sunk in. Now, he was looking into the face of Nymphadora Tonks, who had a strange expression on her face that Remus couldn't really figure out.

"I suppose so," said Remus heavily, and Tonks slid onto the bench next to him.

"I'm sorry I sort of…went a bit mad in the hospital wing," said Tonks, mumbling slightly. "I just wanted you to understand that I honestly don't care."

"I know you don't," said Remus. "And please believe me when I say that means more to me than you'll ever know. To have your acceptance like that is…well, thank you."

"I don't want thanks," said Tonks somewhat bitterly.

"Right."

Tonks suddenly leaned forward and flung her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. Remus, surprised slightly by this outburst of tears, took hold of her. He did not stroke her hair or her back, did not rock her, did not try to say anything, but simply held tight as she cried, knowing that was what she needed. His guilt was overwhelming.

"How could this have happened?" said Tonks, hiccupping. "I never liked him, but I thought we could trust him, thought he was okay…"

"So did I," said Remus. "I didn't want to think he'd turn on us either."

Tonks straightened up out of Remus's clasp slowly, wiping her eyes in an embarrassed way.

"Oh, your shirt…" she said, noting the soaked fabric on the shoulder.

"It's fine," said Remus. "It's just a shirt, who cares?"

"All of this just shows who you can really trust, I suppose, doesn't it? Once a greasy, evil, filthy Death Eater, always a…well. Look, I didn't mean to lose it."

"You're entitled. I know I'm not making this any easier."

"It's just…my God! Dumbledore, of all people to…I mean, how could anyone…he was always so powerful. What am I saying? He _is _so powerful. I'll bet he's not really gone. It had to just be some sort of ruse. Maybe Snape's just gone with the Death Eaters for now, but he'll come back to us soon. That could happen, couldn't it?"

She looked so hopeful, so innocent, that Remus's heart ached. Hearing her voice aloud the wish they'd all thought was painful, and knowing he had to disagree was even worse.

"Tonks, I really don't think so," he said. "Dumbledore's dead."

"Yeah," she said. "I just…I thought maybe…I just wanted it to all be a mistake."

Tonks looked down and seemed to be trying to pull herself together. Remus felt she had nothing to be ashamed of, considering how he'd nearly broken down in front of everyone, including his former students, only an hour or so earlier.

"Look," Remus continued. "I've been thinking…about what Minerva said. About Dumbledore being happy that there would be love in the world."

Tonks looked him right in the eye, her own wide. She did not speak, but gave a small sniffle.

"I've been stupid, very stupid," said Remus. "And you were right about me denying myself happiness. There's no call for that."

"Remus…" said Tonks, but she didn't bother to finish her thought.

"I thought, all this time," said Remus, running a hand over his face wearily. "That I was doing the right thing, the adult thing. I had convinced myself that you could never be happy with someone like me, that I was far too old and serious for you…that you had a silly, childish…well, anyway…and then it occurred to me that _I _was the one being childish, not you. All this time, _you've_ been the mature person. You've been the one who's been my wake-up call to my foolishness."

Tonks let out a shuddery breath and wiped her face with the back of her hand once more to rid it of any tears that had lingered.

"So you admit you haven't been protecting me?" she said softly.

"Yes," said Remus. "I know I've done more damage than good…to both of us."

"So what are you saying, then?"

"I'm saying…I'm saying that what you feel, I feel."

Remus took both of her hands in his and looked her in the eye.

"I want to be with you," he said simply.

The impact of these words seemed to hit Tonks like a slap in the face. She actually jumped very slightly, as though she'd felt her heart skip a beat, and her grip on Remus's hands tightened. Neither of them smiled – their smiles would come another day – but in that moment, a mutual feeling of deep understanding passed between them. Understanding, friendship, and love.

"Really?" said Tonks doubtfully. "I mean – you really aren't just saying that because you want me to shut up crying, are you?"

"Would I do something like that?" asked Remus.

"No," said Tonks. "Just checking, because you know I want to be with you as well."

Remus pulled her close again, this time for his own comfort. He could feel her bony shoulders pressing into his chest almost painfully, and this again made his guilt bubble up to the surface of his mind as he recognized that he had caused her grief to double. The two shared a small kiss – nothing passionate, but it was sweet just the same.

"I think I'm going mad," said Tonks unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?"

"This whole night has been the most confusing –"

"Oh, yes. Yes, I'm with you there," said Remus.

"Do you think this is the right thing to do, really? I mean really-really?"

Remus sighed. "Tonks, the confusion is getting deeper now…"

"Okay, you know what, I'm going to stop talking before I land myself in trouble or manage to trip over something."

"But you're sitting down."

"It's _me_, Remus. I'd find a way to fall."

Remus wanted to laugh, but he still couldn't, and neither could Tonks. The loss of Dumbledore was too much to bear just yet, and neither had even begun their grieving period. A small voice inside of him, however, was telling him that this was exactly what Dumbledore would have wanted – and as this thought entered his mind, another struck him.

_Dumbledore said ages ago…what was it? _

As he held his arm around Tonks once more while she tried to calm herself (she was on the verge of tears once more), he thought back hard to the conversation he and Dumbledore had had just before he'd gone off to live amongst the werewolves…

"_Dumbledore, sir?" said Remus, knocking lightly on the door to the headmaster's office. "You wanted to see me?"_

"_Yes, yes, Remus, please sit down," said Dumbledore graciously, gesturing to a chair. _

"_What's happened?"_

"_Nothing's happened. I merely wanted to be sure that _you _were sure about this mission."_

"_Of course I am," said Remus resolutely. "Who better for the job than me?"_

"_You misunderstand me," said Dumbledore patiently. "I wanted to be sure that you had gotten your…affairs in order."_

"_Oh, you mean my –? Yes, I have. Arthur's got a copy…though there's not much to leave to anyone, is there? I've left most to you, and –"_

"_Again, you misunderstand me."_

_Remus felt frustrated. "What do you mean?"_

"_Part of me wishes to speak very frankly at the moment, which I feel would help speed things along nicely…and the other part, the more logical part, says to keep my mouth shut about this and let you work it out on your own. I'm afraid I must listen to the latter," said Dumbledore in his usual polite-yet-annoyingly-cryptic manner._

"_Sir?" said Remus, totally lost._

"_Please, Remus, forget I've brought this up. But…" Dumbledore trailed off for a moment, then cleared his throat and continued. "But remember that more than one person's well-being depends on your survival. I urge you to take every caution you can."_

"_Of course I will," said Remus. "Thank you."_

With a jolt, Remus's mind began working full-speed. Had Dumbledore known about Tonks being keen on him? Is that what he had meant by more than one person's well-being depending on his survival? Had he been referring to Tonks at that time?

No, of course not…even Remus hadn't had any inklings about it until after they'd seen Harry off the previous summer…but then, according to everyone else, Remus _had _been remarkably slow on the uptake as far as her feelings had been concerned. Molly in particular had made a point of inviting both Remus and Tonks around for dinner at any chance she got (always strategically inviting one or two additional members of the Order so as not to look obvious). And after Tonks had voiced her feelings to Remus, she had become even pushier about the two of them.

"_Remus, won't you stay for dinner? Kingsley said he'd try to come by, and he's been wanting to talk to you for a while…and Tonks will be here as well…" said Molly a few days into the summer holidays._

"_That's really nice of you, Molly, but I've got to be going, I'm exhausted. Full moon's soon," said Remus apologetically, pushing his chair back in. "But thanks for everything."_

"_Wait, Remus, one more quick word," said Molly. "Tonks said something about…about talking to you about…"_

"_Yes, she talked to me," said Remus, now slightly weary. _

"_And?" asked Molly eagerly, as though thrilled at the aspect of a little romance entering the Order (romance that didn't involve her son and a certain part-veela who had been annoying her ceaselessly). _

"_And I told her how sweet she was to say it," said Remus. "But that I am far too old for her, and it's not as though I've got any money to fall back on…besides, look how dangerous I am. How would it be if I ripped a limb off on a date?"_

"_Don't be ridiculous," said Molly. "Tonks wouldn't care about any of that! That's what she told me, anyway. And…oh…you don't feel the same way about her? But I was so sure you did, we all were!"_

"_Who's 'we all'?" asked Remus, suddenly very interested in what was discussed at Order meetings he didn't attend._

"_Well, all of us! Kingsley, Moody, Arthur, Emmeline, Bill…all of us," said Molly. "We were so sure you two would –"_

"_Look, Molly, it's not that I don't like her –"_

"_Oh, but it's not the same sort of thing?"_

"_No, it is…"_

"_Well, then, what's the problem?"_

"_I've just said. Tonks deserves better than me," said Remus, looking at the floor. _

"Remus?"

Tonks's voice had jerked him back to the present and he saw, to his surprise, Arthur and Molly standing nearby.

"Why don't you two stay with us tonight?" said Molly. "Most of the Order will be there. I thought we all ought to be together, just for support and all…"

"Yes, good idea, thank you," said Remus.

He helped Tonks up and kept his arm around her as they left Hogwarts, walked to the village of Hogsmeade as though in a dream, and Disapparated to the Burrow.

FIN

**A/N: **Possible threequel (my own word for it, isn't it great?) to follow, must see what brain can come up with.


End file.
